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wa lau... damn pissed off today... long time neva tok abt him liaoz.. my gp tutor din come today.. gave us some work to do.. but i left earlier.. went to the library to meet farhana and yu fang.. farhana was telling me that ch told tf that he dinks that every time i go for class outing is to see him.. he actually dinks that the purpose of going me for class outing is coz he is going.. who cares wherther he is going or not.. i din even bother to askpple if he is going or not.. he is so bhb.. dinks he is so great issit.. so charming, so attractive issit.. cant stand him anymore..strongly feel that i kan cuo le ta... cant believe i will like this kind of person.. can go out with wan ying on one weekend and with siti another week... luckily siti noes that he is playing with her feelings.. just for fun... she also dinks he is a jerk now... hopes wan ying noes how he is actually like... cannot imagine.. this kind of things can also play with.. can even play with gals' feelings... what kind of a guy is this.. sucks man.. i have spotted so many negative points in him these few weeks.. just that i din show or say it out.. but today.. i really cannot stand it anymore.. why do i like such a person in the first place.. bu yao lian de ren...so superficial.. even wanna keep virginia's photo.. making duy worried.. he is a jerk man... he is far from what i tot he was in the beginning... spoilt the impression he gave me.. utterly disgusted and disappointed with him... really hate this kind of person.. at first i tot he is one with is good to everyone.. polite.. now i see how he criticise things.. how he comments on things and people... how he look put for gals... oh man.. dun wanna mention too many bad things abt him...oh yar.. yesterday when he heard that we are going to do self training.. me wanying and min yan... he even said er xin.. dun even respect people.. what's wrong with people doing self training.. no feng du... haiz.. wu yao ke jiu..
posted by *^kHaILeNg^* 6:08 AM

heyz.. found this from greatday.com.. it has daily motivators... quite meaningful.. and nice to read...

Staying positive
It's easy to be positive when you're reading or listening to something positive, or when you're in pleasant, peaceful surroundings. But how do you stay positively focused when there is confusion and despair all around you?
First, realize that staying focused on the positive possibilities is almost always the best, most effective way to respond to even the most negative situation. It doesn't mean ignoring or denying the very real difficulties which are present, but rather focusing on the most positive, productive responses to them.

Next, line up your intentions with your understanding that a positive perspective is realistically the most effective perspective no matter what the circumstance. Then take your intention and your commitment to being positive one step further and act on it.

Once you experience the very real power and grace of staying positively focused in a negative and challenging situation, it makes an impression on you. Keep that experience in mind, and the next time your positive focus comes more easily and naturally.

Soon, what was once an act of faith can become a matter of habit. The more you remind yourself to stay positive, the less you will need to be reminded.

The world is filled with difficult challenges. When you see for yourself the value of a positive response, you'll acquire a powerful tool for meeting those challenges.

-- Ralph Marston


posted by *^kHaILeNg^* 7:16 AM

hehe.. at yu fang's house now.. wow.. her comp is far better than my comp.. much faster.. me in a very good mood today.. very relaxed.. also dunno why.. can act naturally in front of him too.. hope i can feel so good everyday.. haha.. faizal din come today... hope that he does not come everyday.. i noe i am very bad lah.. but too bad.. just dun want him to teach us leh... so sianz..
so shuang.. can leave school so early.. tf was still asking me whether i wanna go esplanade or not... asking me from the lt to linkway there.. also asked shijia and min yan...then i asked him who else is going... he was hesistating and said farhana in thge end... haha.. of course right.. hehe.. i dun wanna be gooseberry.. so said directly.. i dun wanna go.. haha.. can see he was quite sick of us toking abt the both of them liaoz...dunno lah.. can sense that he does not like farhana.. like dun wanna go to esplanade with her alone...dunno leh..dunno what's going on bet the both of them..
haiz.. tml macritchie run.. actually quite worried.. must tell myself i can do it... since i can survive the previous one.. i can also do it this time round.. must tell myself this is nothing compared to the ironman... HEART and SOUL.. still remembered how Mr Yong encouraged me that day... sunday.. he said.. i am behind you.. so i must dink this way too.. all my teammmates are behind me... all the way..everybody jia you! Follow your own set of beliefs and fulfill your dreams.. and you will lead a happy life! Believe in yourself... :)
posted by *^kHaILeNg^* 2:13 AM

went to Shijia's house after finishing project... haiz.. thatstupid project.. have neva done such a boring project before... ah...i hate faizal...he picks at any fault he sees... criticize this and that... cannot stand him...dun even want to help his students..i really hope we can change ct next year..
Haiz.. i dink was too stressed liaoz... this afternoon... so silly to cry.. haiz... actually i was dinking too much abtme not training.. and juniors... i really feel i am so lousy... and i am so slack.. haiz.. shiyun was asking me to train.. but i was trying to print my project... then ming jing told me to remember what she told me.. i noe it is for my own good.. dunno lah...just feel very stressed at that moment.. all the things just rushing into my head.. i dink i can understand how shijia feels liaoz.. just feel so stressed up.. somehow..i feel i cannot really joke with mj... can tok quite a lot to others in the girls' team.. but i feel a barrier between me and her... jjust like what eeshi feel.. hope we will get closer one day.. i must train hard hard now.. listen to what she said... do more trainign at home... like push ups...crunches..skipping.. come to think of it..i am really silly to cry..minyan.. shijia.. yu fang and wanying.. thanx for all your concern.. thanx for being by my side.. thanx a lot...
posted by *^kHaILeNg^* 10:03 AM

Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another's personhood.




posted by *^kHaILeNg^* 4:45 AM

yoz.. i am back.. came back from canoeing camp which started from the 10th to yesterdae..the main purpose of the camp to change our beliefs.. make us a mentally tough person.. on thurs.. we watched true blue at night.. before dat.. we did weights training.. and it is the first weights training we had.. haiz... i dink i really lack strrength.. always couldn't finish the 30 raps on time.. feel so lousy.. fri.. we had water training.. did K2 with clarence and melvin.. my direction was not really good when i rowed with melvin.. always not focused din notice that my boat moved to the left or right at times.. till my partner reminded me... haiz... and i also kept leaning to one side... rocking the boat at the same time.. somehow i feel that i am deproving leh... balancing getting worse.. still shaking at times.. haiz.. i am really afraid that all the juniors next year will overtake me,.. arr... stressed... then on sat..nj's open day...very slack... looking for ppple to join and take a look at our booth.. after which we played games... very fun...i guesse it indeed brings out mr yong's tong zhen..haha.. fri... the toughest training so far... we went macritchie to run...abt 9 k.. i dink...this is the first time i ran such a distance... and what's more... it is uneven ground.. when i ran i was praying hard i wun trip an fall... along the way... we were all encouraging grace... she is really strong... she has asthma and yet can finish the whole run with determination... we could hear her heavy breathing.. noe that she was very xing ku..i really dink she is strong... if i were her.. i doubt i would make it... after the run.. we we had the second water training during this camp... i rowed with grace in T2... and we came in last... i feel so lousy.. lack power.. lack endurance.. lack everything... feel that grace is putting much more power than me even though she is having breathing difficulties esp during the second and third round... i feel that i have no strength at all that dae.. esp at the start.. and direction sucks.. kept going left and right.. hard left and right.. haiz.. we had a very hard time.... until almost the middle of the second.. our direction then improved.. thanx to grace.. for encouraging me.. tellign me not to give coz she noes i was dying out..just like tapping water only... feel so sorry.. letting her down.. iguess i dun have power.. how?? do more weights training... arr.... dun wanna tok abt training liaoz...

My whole body is aching now... back... legs... hands... applying counterpain everywhere... esp my thighs...dunno how am i going to go thru pe tml..haiz... today.. during lunch.. he was sitting diagonally opp me... i tot my feelings have totally died out... but smehow when he is near me...i feel the pressure.. arr... i tot everything has ended.. but somehow i still feel something... arr... i want to end this as soon as possible...i tot that these few days i din look out for him anymore and that means everything is over.. but today.. when i looked at him just diagonally opp me.. the feelings came back again... arr... some more heard what tf's conversation with him.. haiz... dun wanna dink abt him liaoz.... still have so many things to do..
posted by *^kHaILeNg^* 6:21 AM

haiz.. see so many pple so fan and sad today.. i also dunno how to console them.. shijia was so worried that she was shaking liaoz.. haiz.. and weilian..hope faizal can help him.. aniwae he is the only person who can help him now.. aiyah... i dun wanna anybody to be retained leh... hope he can clear that.. i am quite happy with my results... at least can pass..
posted by *^kHaILeNg^* 8:38 AM

yeah... tml is tues.. look forward to pe.. just now watched tuo qiang shi jie and zhen qing.. both very nice shows.. haha..i was lying downon the sofa just now when i was watching tuo qiang shi jie and i dozed off when it was thestart of the first case.. alamak.. i din get what was going on when i woke up.. i realised dat nowadays i fallasleep very easily... too tired i dink..

Today is games day.. i played carrom with shijia...so funny i neva knew playing carrom can be so noisy... wheneva anyone scores.. we will scream like xiao za bos... but it is fun with so much noise... if not.. it will also be too boring.. oh yar.. shijia was telling us dat today she heard wifey sounding very ti tie when toking to tf... even when toking to shijia.. she also dun sound that gentle.. i mean that kind of ti tie tone..it really gives me creeps coming to dink of it.. er xin! dunno leh... wifey really does not seem like tf's type leh... haha..but u neva noe... maybe they are already together.. love is blind.. anything can happen.. but the thot of them being together really makes me feel weird... hehe..if they are really together.. i think we have to be zi dong.. dun be gooseberry all the time..
My eyes are closing liaoz.. dink i better go to bed...
posted by *^kHaILeNg^* 9:02 AM

yeahz.... exams over liaoz.. actually i dun dink i have e exam mood in the first place.. so not much diff... but still feel very shuang now that dun need to mug... i hope i can get 3 A level passes.. mc and chem i dink should be quite confirm i will pass.. fm should beable to justpass... dunno lah.. but physics really cannot make it.. dun care.. as long as i can pass the rest... hope so :)...haha.. today went to watch tuxedo.. so funny.. haha.. jackie chan's movies are all like that .. but it is quite entertaining.. though disgusting at certain parts...

Haiz...i have kept this to myself for quite a long time... and shijia is the first person to noe.. it was the sat when we went to study together.. i really couldnt helpbut to tell someoneabt this... me and ch actually sort out things thru sms... it was the ay when i get to bewith him alone in the canteen.. but i juz couldnt open my mouth to ask him some of e things dat i wanna noe abt... and that night.. i sent him a fwd msg.. and he replie so we juz started a conversation.. and then went on to tokabt the both of us.. haiz.. actually i dun plan to tell anybody abt this.. but since even tf and wifey noes abt this... and that ch has someone in mind liaoz (this - quite a lot of pple noe liaoz)... i asked abt how he felt after he noes abt me liking him.. he said he felt nothing realli much.. jz felt a bit sorry.... coz he already has someone in mind liaoz...he also told me who she is .. coz i asked... i even said i felt happy for him if he has found his own happiness..but do u dink i am? ... to think he even asked me to keep it a secret.. but many pple noes abt it liaoz.. so i dun dink i have to be secretive abt who he likes... i was feeling so down that night... fancy me having to help him keep his secret.. haiz...even he noticed that i am lost and troubled... after that night... although i felt somehow "relieved" noeing wat i was supposed to do and noeing how he actually felt... i felt even more terrible... esp whenever i see her... i hate that kind of feeling..and the next few days after that night.. so many pple said i looked sad... am i really that obvious? but i just cant help it. coz i am one who cannot hide my emotions.. i am trying very hard to cheer up... come to think of it... we are not at all close.. why do i feel so sad to the extent of crying (dat night) over him?.. sometimes... i feel dat i am so stupid... i am just trying to tell myself my feelings are dying out..but i am unsure whether they are dying out...i feel so pressurised wheneva he is ard.. shijia,yufang and wanying also noticed that wheneva he is ard.. i dun smile.. and dun tok much.. but when he leaves.. i look more relaxed and tok a lot more..why????? i hate this feeling.. i want to be natural at all times!!! i tell myself not to look at him.. telling myself it is impossible liaoz.... i am sure time will help lah... pls let this be over soon... i dink it is nearing three weeks liaoz.. or two weeks .. not sure...ARRR... stressed.. but i dink i am getting better liaoz.. hope so... today they were saying so loudly... tf said ch zhong4 se4 qing1 you3.. even said "meeting her..... " that's the reason why he did not watch movie with us...haiz.. dun wanna tok abt it liaoz... after saying out what i feel these few days...i feel much better now..
posted by *^kHaILeNg^* 9:00 AM

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